**This Dish first appeared back in 2011**
"Oh no, she found me, that woman has been blowing up my phone!" The junior coach was cornered as his friend scurried away. In walked a woman wearing high heels, a short skirt, a cell phone in one hand and cup of french fries in the other. "He is right here, I see him, that little &^%$ has been avoiding me!" She told someone on the other end of the phone call.
An ex-girlfriend or maybe a one nighter? Neither, just another hockey mom with a tail and claws, set on the young coach.
"Coach," she says as she smiles and tries to expose more of her assets. "I've been looking for you." The young coach squirms because he knows what is coming next.
"What do I have to do for you to give little Johnny another chance?" She asks the coach. It does not matter that Johnny is a pothead, can't skate backwards, but has his parents convinced that the NHL is going to draft him next year, the coach thought to himself.
"I am sorry Mrs. Smith, but we just don't have a need for him on this team, have you called the teams out in Colorado I told you about?" The coach asks.
"But we want him to be on YOUR team, so we can see him play and he can live at home." She begs. "I'll even open up our house to a handful of your out of town players," she adds.
The coach remembers the incident from a few years ago, she had convinced her husband to let a few boys from the team stay at their house. That did not go well he remembers. While the husband was out of town, the police had to break up a party and found three kegs, over a hundred drunk teenagers, and her locked upstairs in a room with two goaltenders. That was a stinging memory.
"I don't think the board is going to approve you again," the coach tells her. "You really should consider Colorado, a fresh start could really do him some good," he added.
Than came the hard sell. "I'll do anything if you would only roster him. Anything." She begged again. Inside the coach was trying not to laugh. This lady has lost it. Maybe if I was 20 years older, he thought to himself.
"I'm sorry, I just can't use him," he says as he tries to walk away. That angered her, than she snapped. "You are just stupid!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Johnny is the best player in this town!" She added with double barrels aimed at the ceiling.
What do they put in the rink coffee that makes some hockey moms so crazy? We have all seen them in the stands, screaming at the mini-mites, and staring down opposing mothers in the concessions line during the break.
Real Housewives of Orange County have nothing on the cougars of junior hockey.
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